Discipline, Saturdays, and Conscience

All these things really are related, at least in my world. I appreciate the fact that finally, after all these years, I think have them in the proper perspective. And I wonder if I can maintain that in retirement. Perhaps those of you (the number grows daily) who have already retired can comment.

Discipline has two levels. When it’s external, I resent it. When I manage to discipline myself, however, I am so proud. I gloat. I tell everyone else how to do it.

I do weird things. I’m told I have to be at work by 8:30 every morning. “You can’t tell me what to do,” I grumble to myself. “I’ll show YOU!” So I show up at 7 or 7:30 instead, and I’m proud of myself for being so disciplined that I can accomplish that.

Do you think that’s sick? Does it have a name? It has worked for me. I get to maintain the illusion that I’m in charge of my own life.

I see some young people who avoid self-discipline. I wonder how they’ll ever be able to hold a real job. People my age who never managed to do that, aren’t in a good place today. Is “freedom” the opposite of discipline, or can discipline set you free?

Weekdays fall into a routine and most days I don’t even have to think about what I’m doing. But Saturdays are different. There’s a choice.

Stay in that toasty bed a while longer? Throw on the comfortable old clothes and let the hair run wild? Sit in front of the computer all day, drink tea, and munch almonds?

In my life there are animals to feed and chores to do, beyond the daily ones. If I don’t start early, I’ll have to face Monday morning with a guilty conscience.

So, this morning I got up at 7, aided in that decision by a knock at the front door. The boys were going skiing today and met here. Bob managed to be ready on time by staying up all night.

I fed the cats, fed the horses, loading half a bale in my yellow wagon and hauling it to a spot in the field that wasn’t mucky. Filled the woodbox. Tried to catch a big strange dog that looked like a wolf (he ran off through the fields). Fed the birds and mucked wet spots from their pens. Collected the eggs, cleaned them and put them away. Took out the ashes, cleaned the woodstove, started a new fire. Folded clothes that had been lying on the table for a week. Cleaned out the freezer, used the stuff to make a fish stew in the crockpot.

Got a cup of tea (Lopsong Souchong), and here I am finally, at the computer with a clear conscience. Discipline is good.

Now if I could just do something about being indecisive.